Lexcursions – The Adventures of Anthony Jucha: February Edition

Up Close and Legal

The Historic Houses Trust recently launched a new walking tour called Up Close and Legal promising “a closer look at the inferior courts” and answers to age-old questions such as: “Why are magistrates so busy?”.

Probably – I thought as I readied my feet for the tour (skipping nail-clipping, but swapping my socks so the largest holes lined up with the littlest toes) – because they’re lawyers.

With a 9am start, the tour was clearly not meant for the profession and I arrived just as our guide (a lawyer) called for introductions.  Feeling obvious among the retirees, I outed myself, as a lawyer, and was immediately deputised by the guide.

“If you have any questions,” she said.  “You could ask me, or Anthony.  Of course, no two lawyers can agree on anything, so you’ll get a different answer every time.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” I said.

And so what should have been a leisurely walking tour of the inferior courts turned into a sort of inferior walking day at the office…advising pro bono, on the hop, and too busy to take calls from paying clients.  Squirming, as I walked and talked, my big toes dug themselves fresh holes in my socks, and then wriggled their way in, to hang themselves.

Our first stop was Central Criminal Court, where we watched an appearance.

“There’s no need for my client to be here today,” said the lawyer.  “He’s instructed me to enter a plea of guilty, and seek a date for a trial.”

“Sorry?”

“Your honour?”

“Did you say your client pleads guilty?”

“Oh, I am terribly sorry.  I meant to say not guilty.”

Guffaws from the gallery.

“You’re quite sure?”

“Not guilty, your honour.”

“Perhaps it is for the best that your client isn’t here today.”

Our giggling group was led out by our guide for a debrief on courtroom decorum.  I started to wonder whether there might be CLE points in the offing, when we set off the the District Court.

En route, I fielded questions about why lawyers and judges wear wigs (“we like the theatre,” I ventured), looked up a picture of the Greek goddess Themis on my iphone (“actually, that’s the Roman goddess Justitia,” said our guide) and twice had to confess I didn’t know the question that was on the tip of someone’s tongue, but had slipped their mind.

“The last time I took a group to see a civil dispute,” said our guide at the District Court, “the judge’s associate came up and said ‘It’s not very interesting in here’.”

We entered the courtroom.  Sure enough, the associate approached.

“Who’s your guide?” she said.  “This isn’t a very interesting matter.  Nor very well run.”

“It’s okay,” I said.  “We’re not a very discerning audience.”

With standing room only, among the clutter of files, we watched a builder being cross-examined, trying to explain plumbing to paper-pushers in wigs.

“Not interesting?” said a retired engineer under his breath.  He couldn’t hide his delight, and talked plumbing on the way out and all the way to the lifts.

The elevator doors opened revealing two lawyers in robes.

“Are you on a tour?” asked one, as we stepped in.

“We sure are,” said the retired engineer.  “We’ve been watching a trial.  On plumbing!”

The lawyers exchanged glances and sniggers.

“What brings you here today?” I asked.

“We’re arguing a notice of motion,” said one.

“Not about plumbing,” said the other.  “I can assure you.”

They swept out.  We followed our guide to a Downing Centre courtroom which has a public gallery behind glass.  Our group approved.  They could talk during proceedings.

The trial was of an asylum seeker boat crew.  It was tortuous and slow, with multiple defendants, an interpreter, a room full of lawyers, and a jury.

“One reads about these things in the paper,” said a woman.  “But you never think it actually happens to real people.”

Everything does, I thought to myself.  And we wonder why magistrates are so busy.

By Anthony Jucha

Anthony is the author of Smokeball’s Commercial Precedent Suites.

For more on Anthony visit his websites http://www.jucha-legal.com/ and http://www.anthonyjucha.com/